Top Quality Self Absorbency Joie de Vivre and Fun Thoughts about Facebook Addiction

After achieving my fourth ban on Facebook, I have really been delving into the entire topic of social media and the internet.  A topic I’ve delved into before but, much like any other addictive habit, I always put the negative facts to the back of my mind so I can get the satisfaction up front.

There was a time neither our physical or mental health played an important role in our day to day lives.  Heck, I’m so old I remember as small child going to see my grandmother dying of cancer in a hospital bed smoking. It was totally ok. And everyone was shocked she was dying of cancer. (Ok, that makes me sound really old, but I did grow up in a rural area that was behind the times and I wasn’t even in school yet when this happened so don’t start doing math – you’ll get it wrong and offend me most likely.) Anyway, back to the point…
There was a time when smoking was cool, margarine was healthy, and all of these things were sold to society for the greater good. Preservatives in food was considered a God-send to humanity. Wasn’t starch a food group at some point? I feel like it was.

Fortunately, society did start to realize these things were killers.  Some of the very things we were forced to consume in the name of good health in our youth are now considered hazardous to consume.

But only in recent years have we taken a more serious look at mental health and the effects it has on us as a society. Some could say too little too late when looking back at all the serial killers and other horrible events of the past that were seen as one-offs even though they weren’t. And people with mental health issues were just deemed as lesser people and that was totally fine somehow.  The poor decisions or criminal actions of people in the past were just chalked up to choice and for that they should suffer the consequences.  Suicide was considered a selfish and cowardly act, a stigma that it still carries despite the fact that this is the exact opposite of the truth.

And only in even more recent years has the connection to mental illness been not only seen as a cause for some physical illnesses as well but also an epidemic in the wake of the internet. Without question, increasing depression, anger, and even shortened attention spans are all a direct result of the social media driven culture in which we live.

Just last night I was watching “15 Minutes of Shame” (a documentary about how public shaming has always been popular and tantalizing to the brain’s dopamine but truly spiraled out of control in the dawn of the internet). In the documentary, a psychologist showed a chart of how humanity as a whole has changed since social media became a prominent part of our lives.  It showed a steady decrease in empathy and a steady increase in narcissism.

Narcissism.
There’s a word you hear every day. So trendy.  (Trend words are yet another blessing bestowed upon us from social media.) But, anyway, narcissism. Everyone speaks of it so negatively.  Everyone hates it.  Everyone posts about it…then watches their posts…counting the reactions they get…hoping for comments to draw them into an interaction…relishing the attention if even just a tiny bit…like a narcissist would do.  Wait! What? Yes, you read that right. Like a narcissist would do.
Your cute selfie captioned that you stand against narcissism is, in fact, a narcissistic attempt at looking superior and garnishing attention. Ouch, right?

I recently learned the word schadenfreude around the same time the entire internet was ripping Amber Herd to shreds for claiming to be a victim of abuse. Every stumble, every mistake she made was publicized, scrutinized and celebrated. Schadenfreude… schadenfreude everywhere! (Look it up.) It was so gross.  In my mind’s eye, I just saw a bunch of Johnny Depp fans enjoying the suffering of a woman they assumed guilty from the jump start of this dramatic public split because they love Jack Sparrow. (Also, look this up if you live under a rock. It’s ok, no judgement. Not trying to be an internet bully I promise.) So if you enjoyed that public shaming…or any public shaming of someone you think as a lesser person for whatever reason…that means you are a fan of schadenfreude.
If you post about how pleased you are to see some comeuppance then joyously collect your responses and feel warm and fuzzy about that, that means you’re a narcissist epicaricacist. (Ok, I kind of made up that last word based on epicaricacy which is the English equivalent to schadenfreude but since I said that so much I was trying something new…I did it for the likes and hoping it becomes a new trendy term.)

So have you also noticed terms like ADD, ADHD and OCD getting thrown around like glitter at a strip joint? I bet that feels pretty insulting for people who actually suffer from these diseases when the sexy twenty-something girl next door’s tiktok video about how OCD she is when it comes to picking her outfits for another glamorous night on the town and what a struggle her first world problems are goes viral. But, good for her anyway.  Going viral is so important in this day and age.
Actually, I need to research if the internet has caused a spike in ADD/ADHD cases because I must admit I have an extremely short attention span since I became addicted to social media.  I catch myself in life wanting to scroll past situations all the time.  I catch myself checking my social media for a quick scroll during commercials or every time I sit on the toilet.  That sounds amusing, but the fact is…it’s over stimulation and I miss it when it’s gone.  My need for stimulation has steadily increased and I firmly believe it is a direct cause of social media.
However, I believe ADD/ADHD isn’t cultivated rather you are or you aren’t. I don’t know. Maybe there’s a new word for people who become such instead of being born with ADD/ADHD. I just tried to look for such a word and it led me to “addiction”…go figure.
So, during my latest 30 day ban from facebook I decided to keep a journal of how it felt every time I went to log in to facebook only to recall I was banned.  It was just a bunch of little notes I’d write as to why I wanted to, what I felt I was missing there and the like.  I made a note every time it happened.  At first it was several notes a day, then slowly it happened about once per day and in the last week I didn’t even notice.  I found this to be an interesting study for myself, especially to look back on the feelings I had through the process. Think of it as a smoker avoiding cigarettes because (as a smoker) I can assure you it was quite similar.
Also, during my time away, I noticed how incredibly bored I was with life for quite some time but in the last two weeks or so I started getting back to focusing on creative projects, coming up with new ideas and just overall feeling more inspired to be my creative self. I thought this was pretty noteworthy as well.

Human beings are all wired very differently while simultaneously being all the same. The way this absence affected me could be completely different for others.  There are some who would not even feel a difference while there are others who so desperately need it in their lives that you may have to talk them off a ledge after a few days of being banned.
But, the bottom line is, we are all affected by social media.

I can recall quite a few instances that were extremely rewarding life events I would never have achieved without social media. Finding a long lost friend, making an incredible new friend, meeting a celebrity, going to a major event and much more…all things I achieved only because of the power of social media. My most rewarding story of all is when I once (way back in the days of AOL Chat Rooms) talked a teenaged boy out of suicide who, years later, found me on facebook and thanked me. (I still get chills thinking about that.  He grew up to be a doctor even!) Perhaps that one incident has made it all worthwhile. That much is true.

But, over time, I think that social media has brought out the worst in me and in most people.
For some, it’s a place to vent…it’s so easy to rip a total stranger to shreds just because they spelled “their” as “there” but they happen to support the political party you hate so you can enjoy completely shaming them as a quick release.  Feels good to make others feel bad, for some.
For others it’s a place for validation.  Selfies, posts, live videos, being a warrior for social justice.  Let’s face it, you’re awesome, right? Shouldn’t people be telling you how awesome you are as much as possible? There’s only one way to make that happen… Post! Post! Post! And, of course, get more likes! Whatever it takes! Get more likes! Just don’t appear thirsty, be sure to hide your need for validation behind a great story.  Like, when posting that cleavage shot, wear an antique necklace your grandmother gave you and talk about how much you miss her… that’s not a duck face, it’s pouting cause you miss grammy and even though the picture is predominantly your cleavage in your heart of hearts you know the post was really about that necklace.  We get it. Really. We do.

There are some people who thrive on social media because they cannot thrive in life outside of it. This can be for a myriad of reasons from social anxiety to low self esteem to being an introvert.  These people can vary from being internet trolls as a way to get attention (considering a person who gets zero attention at all can appreciate negative attention just for the sake of attention) to using a fake profile creating a person they wish they could be that only lives on in the veins of the world wide web.

It’s like the wild wild west out there in cyber space. Of course, in the land of facebook, they’re trying to help tame the beast by using Artificial Intelligence to constantly rove activities on the massive platform by using key word searches and combos to detect hazardous deviants such as myself when I post that my favorite song by Foreigner is “Dirty White Boy” and get a 30 day ban for using hate speech. Great job, facebook.  You got me!

Anyway, here I am.  You could say it’s like a relationship far past the expiration date. You know the kind of relationship you should’ve ended a very long time ago but for some reason you just can’t.  That’s where I am.

I’ve been mad at strangers on social media, I’ve celebrated the downfalls of people I deemed wrong on social media, I’ve posted pictures of myself hoping for positive reviews, I’ve posted statuses I thought were brilliant and monitored the responses, I’ve scrolled…and scrolled…and scrolled. I’m tired. This isn’t who I am.  At least, it’s not who I want to be. Yet, I do want to find long lost friends and back stage passes still.  I do want to see my memories of what I was doing today 5 years ago.  And I really really want to keep the photos. Plus I love a good meme. But, like any other addiction, I just don’t think this is working out for me.

The saddest part is, can I handle the isolation of not being on social media? Missing all the invites to places and events? Will everyone forget I exist? Is this really life now?
Please like and share this blog and follow me and tell me you’ll never forget me and all that shit.
Thanks,
Susan