karma in a brown paper bag

4 07 2011

I blog here & on myspace as many folks know.  I told myself I would use this new blog location for fun blogs, fiction, funny stories and such and try not to get political here or write my editorials here like I do over there.  Of course, recently, with this disasterous oil volcano spewing into the Gulf of Mexico I couldn’t help but write about it here, there and everywhere in an attempt to spread the word.  But, in these dark days even though I know it is important to spread the word I also know that sometimes we need a good laugh.  I certainly know I do because lately this situation has put my in a somewhat depressive state and I need a little escape.  That being said, most of my readers know I love to post funny stories from my past that usually poke fun at moi but are always good for a laugh.  This one is no exception, so please enjoy a tale that I call…

Karma in a brown paper bag

TJ & I were walking home from school one day in the fall of ‘87.  It was about a 3 mile walk for us and we lived a street apart.  We weren’t the best or worst of friends, just 2 kids who lived near each other and would sometimes walk together.  We were both sophomores, had a couple of classes together, no big deal.

All the cool kids were passing us by in their cars, playing loud music and being cooler than us.  We would shrug our shoulders and keep on truckin’.  Just another day in the life of the underclassmen (or women in my case).

For some weird reason, a brown paper bag in the ditch caught my eye.
“I wonder what’s in it?” I pointed it out to TJ.
“Who cares?” He replied.
But something drove me to it.  I don’t know why, but I just had to look inside.  Annoyed, TJ waited for me to check the bag.
“Holy shit!” I gasped when I looked inside.
“What is it?” Suddenly he was interested.
“You won’t believe it!” I exclaimed as he joined me to peer into the bag.
“Hooooollllllllly shit!” He smiled wide. “Hurry up, let’s get outta here!”

We quickly stuffed our treasure into his book bag and rushed to his house, beaming!

Fortunately, TJ was a latch-key-kid … for those of you who remember that old 80’s term.  A kid who’s parents were still at work when he’d get home from school.  So, there we sat, just the two of us, at his kitchen table … pouring the contents of the brown paper bag onto the table.

“Unbelievable!” He gasped.
There sat before us, a gallon sized ziplock bag stuffed with marijuana, rolling papers, 2 cassettes and a scale.  I jumped for the cassettes, one was Ratt’s “Invasion of your Privacy” and the other was AC/DC’s “Back in Black”. 
“Cool!” I exclaimed.  “I’ll take the Ratt!”
“That’s good, I wanted the AC/DC,” He said.  “But, what are we gonna do with the rest of it?”
“Let’s split it up!” I said, logically.
“And then?” He asked.
“And then we do whatever we want with it,” I said.  “But we don’t tell anyone where we found it.”

Yeah, I you had to think someone was looking for that shit! I mean, that was a hellova lot of pot, right???

“All right,” TJ said.  “Deal!”
So, we shook on it and began splitting it up.

Now, at this stage in our lives … TJ and I were not all that familiar with pot.  I mean, sure, as you know from my previously mentioned blog I’d tried it a lil’ bit … but I wasn’t the type of person who needed at least a half a’ pound of marijuana on hand, so there was no way I was interested in keeping my half.  I saw it as a career opportunity … but it was far more than that …

Nothing brings popularity faster than being the gal with all the killer weed.
Suddenly, hot senior boys were carrying my books to class for me, sitting with me at lunch and being my friends.  Yep, that’s right, dorky little Susan was suddenly the most popular chick in school … if only till it was sold out … at least, for a moment, everyone was abuzz about my fame among the famous.

So there I was, high rolling in the dough and being doted on by hot senior dudes … ahh, it was the life … at least for a couple of months anyway.

But, alas, in the end … all that was left was a Ratt tape and a few bucks once the well ran dry.  I still have no idea what TJ did with his half.  I still have no idea who was probably looking for that great, lost bag of weed, but I did often wonder … would they ever get back at me if they found out I sold all their goods and was rocking out to their Ratt? Hmmmm…

So, there we were, about one year later … my good friend Sherrie and I, once again walking home from school along the same ol’ path that TJ and I walked.  She knew the infamous story about the brown paper bag and the glory days it brought to me, so when we stumbled upon yet another brown paper bag in a ditch yet again she encouraged me to check it out.  It didn’t take much encouragement as I had been so lucky in the past, I couldn’t resist wondering if lightening would truly strike twice.

As I eagerly and hopefully opened the back, she watched to make sure no one was spying.
“Ahhhhhhh!” I screamed and quickly threw the bag down and began to run.
She ran with me.
“My God!” She exclaimed.  “What the hell was in the bag??”
“It was a dead half rat!” I explained.
She stopped cold in her tracks. “Do what?”
“A dead half rat,” I said.  “A rat, bloody and cut in half.”
“Bullshit!” She argued.  “Who the hell would cut a rat in half and throw it in a bag on side of the road?”
“I have no idea!” I said.  “But it was the rear end, all bloody and with his tail and stuff… it was awful!”
“That doesn’t make sense!” She argued …

And we argued for about a half a mile when finally we bet on it and we had to turn around so she could see for herself.
“You’re going to be sorry,” I warned her as she opened the bag.
I closed my eyes, waiting for her shrill …
And suddenly, she burst into wild laughter.
I opened my eyes and peered over at her as tears rolled down her cheeks.
“A dead half rat, huh?” she choked between laughs.
“You think it’s funny?!?” I was stunned.
“It’s a used tampon, you dumb ass!” She replied … and continued to laugh all the way home…

And so there it was … my karma in a brown paper bag.  I guess lightening doesn’t strike twice, but the first strike was good while it lasted and the dead half rat became equally as famous around the school as I was picked on for ages about that little discovery.

Weird and interesting facts for your amusement

The current street value of what I found is estimated at around $800, back then it was probably valued at half that price.  Want to know the current street value of marijuana in your state? Visit http://wiki.answers.com/Q/Street_price_of_weed

The ancient Egyptians invented the first disposable tampons made from softened papyrus. The ancient Greeks created tampons made from lint wrapped around a small piece of wood, recorded in writing by Hippocrates in the fifth century B.C. (Ouch!!) Want to test your tampon knowledge? Visit http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tampon

Paper bags are eco-friendly, easy to recycle, and have many uses.

Want to make a piniata like this one? This pinata is made using a paper bag, tissue paper, glue, and a few other supplies you might already have laying around your house.  All you need to make this is; candy, small toys or whatever you want to stuff it with (even $800 worth of weed will work if you’re having that kinda party!), newspaper, colored tissue paper, string or yarn, glue, scissors and a hole puncher.  (See, I bet you already have all that lying around the house, don’t you?) Start out by opening your bag and setting it on your work surface. Put the candy and/or small toys into the bag. You do not want your bag to be more than half way full or it will be too heavy to hang! Now, fill the rest of the bag, stopping about 2-inches from the top, using scrunched up newspaper. Once you have your pinata filled, pinch the top of the bag together and roll it down 2 or 3 times. Staple it shut. Cover the bottom of your filled paper bag with a piece of tissue paper. Set your bag on a piece of tissue paper and cut the tissue paper so it is about 2-inches larger than the bottom of the paper bag all the way around. Glue the edges of the tissue paper up around the bottom of the paper bag. Handle the corners as if you’re wrapping a present. Now cut several strips of tissue paper long enough to completely fit around your bag and about 4- 6-inches wide depending on size of bag. You will need about 5 strips (this may vary by bag size). Use your scissors to cut fringe along a long edge of all of your tissue paper strips. The fringe should go about half way up your tissue paper strip. The fringe should be cut about 1-inch apart. Start near the bottom of the bag, just above the piece of tissue paper you glued onto the bottom of the bag, and place a bead of glue around the bag. Stick your first piece of fringed tissue paper, fringed edge down, onto the glue. This should hang over the bottom tissue paper and slightly overhang the bottom edge of the bag. Stick another strip onto the bag, hanging about halfway over the first strip. Continue this until your entire bag is covered by fringed tissue paper. Punch two holes along the top, folded edge of the paper bag. Cut a piece of yarn or string a few yeards long. Thread one end of the piece of yarn or string through one hole, pull it across the top edge of the bag, and then back through the other hole. Tie it using a few overhand knots so it will not come apart when you hang it. Cut several strips of tissue paper, about 1-inch thick and 6-inches long. Glue them to the bottom of the pinata. Voila! You’ve got a homemade pinata! For more crafty ideas using paper bags, visit http://familycrafts.about.com/od/paperbagcrafts/tp/PaperBagCrafts.htm



24 responses

4 06 2010
Rory Jackson

Hey Suz,
I really enjoyed your story. That must have been some gross looking tampon LOL. Will continue to visit you here

(RJ from myspace)

4 06 2010

Hey Rory! Always a pleasure. Notice you blogged tonite too, going to check it out shortly. You gotta wonder, who puts a used tampon in a paper bag & chunks it on the roadside? lol

4 06 2010

Lucky once is better than not at all.

So, what the current street price of a used….
oh never mind

4 06 2010


4 06 2010

I did not smoke weed ever until college…until then I did illicit drinking at parties and possibly had contact highs at other parties. I used to love Ratt, it is sad what happened to their guitarist Robbin Crosby…ever see their Behind the Music? As for the tampons, I have seen the infamous tape of the guitarist for the group L7 pulling a tampon out of her cootch and throwing it at her audience during Lalapalooza. I was not a fan of theirs after that.

4 06 2010

I know some members of Ratt & we are friends. They did a lot of stuff in NOLA pre-katrina. We still stay in touch, but they are gaining renewed popularity like crazy and busier than ever touring…etc… just put out a new cd that’s good. Check it out! Yeah, I know that L7 story and think it’s repulsive.

4 06 2010

I sense a story behind that “lost” bag of weed.

I picture a couple of guys in a beat-up car, cruising at granny speed down the street (’cause that’s what weed does to you), and a curious cop making a decision to pull them over. So Randy the weed guy yells out “we gotta dump this shit” and so he tries to throw it out the window.

Only it bounces back at him, because the window’s closed.

His buddy Jethro (they call him “Snake” ’cause he hates his name) is sweating like crazy and he’s screaming “get it out of here! Get it out of here!”

And Randy barks back (just as shrill) “I’m trying, man! I’m trying! Hang on….”

And he rolls down the window finally and hefts the back out into the ditch.

Only to be found the next day by a couple of school kids.

4 06 2010

You gave me a real chuckle with this. Could very well be the truth… we may never know… lol

5 06 2010

You DO know my first name is Jethro, right? Daaaang…I should have changed it to Snake instead of “Abe”.

5 06 2010

I dunno, I’ve always been a fan of Jethro

5 06 2010

It’s a cool name…if only Beverly Hillbillies had picked something else!

5 06 2010

what about jethro tull? come on, “aqualung”, “locomotive breath”…etc… jethro rules

4 06 2010

I like the craft section. Rock on!

4 06 2010

that part was for you… a double whammy for you, crafting and how to make a pinata… i knew you’d like that 🙂

4 06 2010
uncle jailbird

lemme tell ya a story…

it was back in 1991, i was working a kmart as a raider. part of my job was to gather the shopping carts from the corrals in the parking lot. one day i was doing that when i found a small leather coin purse in a buggy. i turned it in to customer service. they later told me it had about $800 worth of crack cocaine in it.

4 06 2010

Dang! That’s serious cash… but nah, I wouldn’t mess with crack dealing… no way. Pot is really mild by comparison. Even when I was young & dumb I wasn’t that dumb…lol

4 06 2010

Loved the story Suz! What a find huh? The second one though…yuck! lol! I bet you did hear about the dead half rat for the longest time 🙂 I needed a chuckle today and this story was it 🙂

4 06 2010

I STILL hear about that one, Suzie!!! Have a good weekend 🙂

4 06 2010

Ah my friend Suz, the drug dealer. Who Knew? Somehow I doubt that made it to your resume LOL. I still find it hard to believe you were not popular in school, but I will not doubt you.

Those would have been two of my favorite albums from that time period. I still have them both on CD today, though I have ripped them to the computer.

I will leave the whole discussion about your second “gift” in a paper bag for another day. Too busy laughing.


4 06 2010

Yeah, I was more excited about the cassettes than the other for sure. I loved “Invasion of your privacy” still do… of course, who doesn’t love “Back in black”… that’s a staple for any collector! Good times…

5 06 2010

I love it! I’m sorry you had to look at the dead rat 🙂

5 06 2010

Not as sorry as i was… lol

5 06 2010

Woot@ your find!! Serendipty doo dah!! hahaha!!! Someone was crying in his beer about losing the bag that night. I checked out the link to street value of MJ, but I know its much higher here. (DC area) Another good reason to move. ;~)

5 06 2010

lol. yeah, i can’t believe there is a website where you can actually check the street value of drugs… i was just messing around when i found that. there are several!

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