When good times go bad

3 08 2011

It was a special event.  The kind you dress up for.  The kind, when you’re an adult, is less frequent because you don’t have proms, dances or any of this anymore.  So, when you do get to wear a little black dress, strappy black stilettos, and pearls … when you do get to carry a little black sequined purse … well, it’s something to get excited about.  It was this kind of event.  Fine dining and champagne followed by 3rd row seats (right beside the orchestra pit) for the Moody Blues at the Sanger in New Orleans.  The concert itself was not a dress event, mind you, but boasted the class of people who would dress for such an occasion and frankly if there’s even a hint at the opportunity to dress up, I’m all over it.  But, dressing up wasn’t the biggest issue.  Fine dining wasn’t the big issue (though one of the fastest ways to my heart). Wanting the night to be special wasn’t the biggest issue.  It was all about seeing a brilliant band playing with an orchestra in a beautiful, classic and personal setting that made it worth the anticipation.

I’m a huge concert goer, as you can plainly see from the likes of my page.  More commonly I attend such shows as Aerosmith, AC/DC, Ratt, Motley Crue, ZZ Top, and the like.  These types of shows are more frequent for one, and my taste is mostly based in that of rock and roll.  Though I do like a very wide variety of music, but most bands that I like do not tour.  Now, when I go to a good old fashioned rock show I expect good old fashioned rockers.  We’re all geared up in our best concert shirts, holey jeans and biker boots.  We’re ready for action.  We may get caught up in a brawl or have a draft beer spilled on us … and if we’re lucky that will be the worst of what lands on us.  But the Moody Blues is a very different scene.  You don’t expect Lynard Skynard fans at a Moody Blues show, but if they are there … those with diverse taste like myself … you expect them to act like me, or at least I do.  I expect that if someone has enough taste and intelligence to appreciate anything from Skynard to the Moody Blues then they know the very clear differences between songs like “Gimmie Three Steps” v/s “Tuesday Afternoon”.  Right?!? This would mean one would behave differently at a show boasting an orchestra in a beautiful theater v/s the behavior at a stadium filled with pot smoke and stacks of speakers.  But anyway…

Our group excitedly took our seats early enough to watch the orchestra practice.  We could actually read the sheet music from our seats.  It was so exciting.  This was our usual outing.  A group of 6 of us who are huge Moody Blues fans who get together and make a big night out of it each time they come.  This would be our third time to see them together over a 10 year span.  They don’t come often.  In fact this was about 12 years ago and I think they have only come to this area again once since then.  Anyway, we were all looking fancy and enjoying ourselves … anticipating the concert.  Now, please don’t think I’m judgmental or a snob … but I couldn’t help but be taken aback when the couple seated behind us arrived to take their seats.  They were both overweight and dressed in their best red neck rocker gear.  She was wearing a lovely Lynard Skynard T-shirt with the sides cut out so that is would hang slightly loose over her barreling bounds of pale white fat rolls, and clearly revealing her black lace bra from either side of the shirt.  She also boasted a tight, leather, mini-skirt with leather biker boots.  Her belly peered out from under her designer t-shirt, laying gently atop the waist of her skirt.  She struggled to squeeze into the theater seat probably as hard as she struggled to squeeze into that skirt.  Her date was a complementary match to her as he was also rather large, wearing a matching Skynard T, jeans and a blue jean vest with the sleeves cut off leaving frayed edges and a trucker hat (before that was the in thing to wear, mind you) that boasted a rebel flag.  Don’t get me wrong, their attire did not bother me nor did the fact that they were overweight.  Sure, they stuck out like sore thumbs, but appearance really means nothing to me.  It’s something I can look away from and not think twice about … which is exactly what I did.  I looked away and went back to anticipating a great show as our group discussed previous shows and took note of the playlist that we could clearly see.  As time passed, I couldn’t help but to overhear the couple behind us in their own chat about anticipation.  I’m not one to eavesdrop, well … not one to eavesdrop conversations that have nothing to do with me anyway (tee hee) but I couldn’t help but hear them as they excitedly discussed their most repulsive plan.  “No!” I cried in my mind “God help me, please let their plan fail miserably!” Now I know some of you crazy overly open minded people will say that I was being selfish or snobby for not wanting them to succeed … you may think I’m a prude, but seriously … I think there is a time and place for certain activities and sitting behind me at a Moody Blues concert is not the time or the place to have sex, which is exxxxxxxxxxactly what they were planning.  Oh how my stomach churned at the very thought of this unfolding.  You see, apparently, “Knight’s in White Satin” was a meaningful song to this couple and the whole purpose of them attending this concert was not to enjoy a beautiful musical event, but to make sweet love when the band preformed “Knights in White Satin.” They were not Moody Blues fans, they were just a couple with a plan to do something outrageous because it had a certain value to them and that was it! Period! Our group began to cringe as we all couldn’t help but hear their plan unfold in dirty, disgusting detail.  We all grumbled softly to each other, hoping they would change their minds about their public display of love during such a respectable event.

Of course, the show began without a hitch.  Fantastic as always, with the crowd in awe.  Our group was enthusiastically enjoying themselves, and whispering only a few comments here and there about how great the performance was.  Then, it happened … a song I once loved began to play.  I heard the couple shuffling into action behind us and cut my eyes to my buddy, Walt, seated beside me.  He shook his head and glanced at the floor.  As much as I struggled to continue to enjoy the performance, the sound of blubbering, sweaty fat smacking together with God awful moaning and groaning bellowed from behind … and an occasional thrust against the back of my seat throwing me forward.  It was unbearable.  Seriously unbearable! I don’t like the sound of anyone having sex …. Except, of course, myself! I don’t like it even more when I am at an event that I’ve paid quite a bit of money to enjoy … an event that I paid to listen to and enjoy … an event that I want to remember for being beautiful, not awful.   But it happened, none the less, and scarred me for life.  To this day, unfortunately, I can not hear “Knights in White Satin” without envisioning this hideous duo getting it on.  So, as a Moody Blues fan, people are often surprised when I say I don’t like “Knights in White Satin”.  “What?!?! How could you not like their biggest hit?!?!?!” They ask in shock.  Then I have to explain the painful story of when good times, like this, go bad … many laugh at my torrid tale, but if it were you who had to hear, smell and be consistently thrust forward in your seat by this revolting sexual act during such a beautiful song you too would no longer like the song.  (Trust me, the only thing worse than the sound of others having sex is the smell of others having sex!!)

Now I thought I would give you all a chuckle, and I know I’ve needed one because the news has been rather tragic lately where I live.  A topic I have chosen to avoid at this time here; the oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico.  If you have interest in this topic, you can read what I have written here: http://blogs.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.view&friendId=48953274&blogId=533668062

But, in the meantime, I thought we’d have a little fun … so, Have you ever had a bad concert experience like this? I’ve been stepped on, puked on and such, but none of that really scared me quite like this.  Have you ever done anything like this? I’ve never had sex at a concert, maybe because I’m too consumed with the concert to be distracted by something as silly as sex.  Lol.  Have you ever been trapped in a situation where someone funky was having funky sex near you? Thank God this is the only time I’ve been in such a situation.  Anyway, I hope you enjoyed my painful recollection of this life changing experience … LOL

And for those who don’t know the song, here you go…

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15 responses

3 05 2010
Sonyata

The first night I went to the Artisan Lounge in Vegas, I thought it was the coolest bar I had ever been to. Hundreds of oil paintings grace the walls, even the ceiling is covered with them. There were book shelves full of old books, and the various partitions of this dark, mahogany bar with black leather couches and lounge chairs were separated by hanging picture frames without paintings in them – they looked as though they were magically suspended in mid air. The clientele is Las Vegas chic, off the beaten track, secret hideaway, come dressed up or down, but provocative, sultry, even slutty. It is a heady place, the kind of place any mystery writer would feel comfortable in. The things that happen at this place are the stuff of novels.

I sat at the bar observing, and drank two large glasses of the house Merlot. I bought a big ten dollar cigar from their humidor, and puffed on it for an hour, enjoying the vibe, observing people, and feeling quite comfortable. Suddenly it hit me. I don’t know if it was the Merlot or the cigar, likely a combination of both, but I knew it was coming. My head started spinning and I was going to puke. I casually made my way to the restrooms, outside of the lounge and across the ornate lobby, replete with more paintings, statues of various bare breasted maidens of the sea, a large fountain held up by four maidens, and many comfortable looking black leather lounge chairs and tables.

I found the men’s room, and quickly entered. A glass bowel and towels for washing your hands, a single urinal and two stalls, heavy mahogany as well. I tried the first stall – occupied. As I opened the door and entered the second stall I couldn’t help but realize that there was a couple in stall number one having wild sex. I quickly lifted up the seat on the toilet, heaving my brains out, while the couple continued their rather vigorous intercourse. He was laying some pipe, too. He would thrust, she would moan, I would ralph. This went on for about thirty seconds to a minute, and we were in such synchronicity, soon all three of us were laughing.

I flushed, washed off my face and hands, and left. Never saw the couple.

4 05 2010
suzrocks

That is one of the most outrageous stories ever. Loved it! Thanks for sharing!! LMAO!!!!

4 05 2010
wolfshadesblog

Barfing and rutting. That should be the name of a book.

Awesome story!!

5 05 2010
suzrocks

Wolf, you need to check Sonyata out on myspace. He’s got some good blogs.

3 05 2010
Suzie

Lol! I remember this story and thinking how gross it would be to have them having sex behind you! Nasty. Especially for a classy event such as this. I’m surprised no one complained and got them booted. I would have been almost sick like you…gross! To hear them and to smell them, I don’t know if I could hack it! Love Sonyata’s story too 🙂

4 05 2010
suzrocks

Yeah, Sonyata may have one-upped me with that story, lol! Yeah, sex does stink… unless it’s yours, lol

3 05 2010
Richardttu

Ah I love this little stroll through memory lane. I am just as grossed out this time, as I was the first. I have my own tales of misdeeds at concerts. One that immediately comes to mind is and an Ozzy concert with, lets say, a “happy ending”. But the stories and details need to remain with me, lest they surface during my upcoming presidential run!!! LOL

4 05 2010
suzrocks

Ach… plenty of presidents have happy endings… don’t sweat that my friend, just don’t do it in the oral… I mean oval office and you’re good 🙂

4 05 2010
Michael

I saw the Moody Blues live in 2007. The first tour without Ray Thomas the flutist. Great show, the lights were great, Graeme Edge was very funny and entertaining.

I have a cool compedium of their stuff. My favorite song of theirs is Ride My See Saw followed by Question and Gypsy.

4 05 2010
suzrocks

Question is definitely my favorite. I have the boxed set. I used to have a lot of their vinyl pre-Katrina 😦 They are great live, though I haven’t seen them in about 10 years or so.

4 05 2010
wolfshadesblog

Loved your story, Suz! Well maybe “loved” is a strong word. An optimistic word.

Seems to me that sex in public should not be *too* public. Maybe in a dark corner somewhere where no one goes. Like the beach late at night. Something.

And what do you do, what *could* you do once Mr. and Mrs. Gross_und_Disgusting decided to get down to business? In hindsight, maybe a squirt gun filled with malt vinegar pointed in their direction would have not been overkill. What do you think?

5 05 2010
suzrocks

That’s a great idea… I’m going to carry that to shows from now on. It’s better to have a malt liquor filled squirt gun & not need it than need a malt liquor filled squirt gun & not have it, right?
Yeah, when it’s THAT public, it’s not romantic… a beach, well that’s different. Now you have my wheels turning…

5 05 2010
wolfshadesblog

Your wheels are turning?

That gets my wheels turning.

Thinking about the west coast now, and the beach after the sun goes down. I’ve been there, out in Tofino, B.C. It’s amazingly secluded….

5 05 2010
suzrocks

5 05 2010
wolfshadesblog

You’re messing me up, Suz. 🙂 Played the song all the way through. Thought about that beach, with the waves rolling in, and now I’m wet.

*grinning*

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